One Sequin at a Time

Uh guys this week has sucked. Sabrina I’m sorry I’ve texted you or anything. I’m super overwhelmed! I’m trying to play catch up after 2 days out with food poisoning. It sucked. On my second day out, my dad called me to say that my grandmother was on her death bed. Yikes. He also said I should call her. I called her and bawled like a baby. I can’t go down to be with her in her last days, and it’s frankly been making me feel like the worst granddaughter she could have ever had. She told me to cut that out because I’m following my dreams right now. Well things have gone down hill severely since then for her. They were able to place a feeding tube in her which was surprising. They’ve also increased her pain medication level. On Saturday my dad called to tell me that I should give her a call because it’s getting serious. I called her and I’m pretty sure that’s the last time I’ll ever talk to my Mimi. I told her I loved her so much and I was glad that she had been feeling better and that she was comfortable. I had a million other things that I wanted to say, but she’s been falling asleep on-and-off due to the pain medication. She told me that she loved me. She told me she loved G, who she’s never met. She told me to keep doing good at school. She had to go then. Today my brother called me to say that they’re expecting her to go at any moment. My dad called later with more information that he got from my mom. Apparently they wanted to put her on a ventilator, but she’s refusing. I applaud her for being firm. She doesn’t want this to be a prolonged thing. I don’t blame her. I want her to go as peacefully as she possibly can. She told my mom to tell me that I better not waste my time driving down to be with her, because she would kick my ass and that she loved me so much and was proud of me. My mom is staying with her and my poppy until this weekend to go through her stuff. My mimi didnt’ want a funeral service or anything big. She just wants to be cremated and for everyone to move on. It’s hard to write this, and later I’m sure I’ll have far more to say about this woman that has been a firecracker in the world. Just know that I’m okay. I’m sad, but glad at the same time. You never want someone you know to suffer at all. I’m glad she’s surronded by people that love her, but sad I’m not there too. I’m sad that I never got to tell her all the things that I can’t stop thinking about now, but I’m so glad that my final words to her was “I love you so much.”